the power of ABF

Let’s just talk about RBF for a minute. For those of you who are not “in the know” of popular yet ridiculous slang terms and acronyms, RBF is your typical Resting Bitch Face. Check your local DMV or otherwise disgruntled and/or underpaid minion gathering place for expert examples of RBF. Not everyone is “blessed” with a permanent scowl. Some are possibly born that way, while others develop their bitch faces over a long, bitter period of time where their muscles contort into stiff frowns like the race of tree-creatures in Lord of the Rings (note to nerds: I am quite aware the pic below is not official LOTR).


Some women are quite proud of their angered faces and embrace the reactions they command. I myself do not have the RBF. I have a normal resting face with moments of giant creeper smiles and generally awkward funny-faces. I’m RBF-opposite. Contrar-bee-eff.

this is my best attempt at complete seriousness.

Q: What the hell does this have to do with subbing? A: ABF. Active Bitch Face.

Switch to bitch, it’s time to rock. I need this cross stitched onto a sampler that I can frame for my desk. While I’m quite proud of how far I’ve come over the past 4 years concerning discipline, classroom management, and appropriately applying a firm tone, I could really use some schooling on switchin’ to bitch face.

In preparation for state testing, students have been practicing silence while switching classes because there are testing rooms throughout our hallway. The teachers are to stand outside their doors during every transition, d-halls at the ready. My tiny stature adds nothing to my intimidation factor, so I’ve put together a clip board with my red lunch detention slips clipped to it and a pen attached, ready for the “taking names” part of kicking ass. I keep it by my door, grab it on my way out of every class, and hold it above my head sometimes for that extra height. It kind of makes me laugh. Every student that walks by, I tilt my head a little bit and smile. Bad teacher!

The two teachers that are closest to my room have mastered ABF and I’m quite jealous. They flip the switch and the students’ spines straighten up like the crack of a whip. Both of them have the ability to walk the 20 feet from my door to the end of the hall, lockers and students on either side, and the kids immediately leave in complete silence as the radiance of the ABF passes by them. It’s sorcery I tell you! Like who do I have to sell my soul and lesson plans to in order to possess that sort of power? I have to look away so as to not be stunned by all its glory. The teacher walks back into her room as if she doesn’t even know her own strength. I shrink in failure. But I am determined to get to that next level ish. I do my eyebrow workout on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Mouth corners Monda,y Wednesday, and Friday. Someday, I’ll get there. Someday.

But this is me for now.
But this is me for now.

Bad kids beware!


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