I’m Back, Baby!

A short but long-ish recap of the last 5 years:

Hey, it’s been a while, but I’m back! It’s been close to 5 years since I started this blog, chronicling my misadventures in the exciting world of substitute teaching. My children were in kindergarten and second grade. I was juggling babies, married life, school, several jobs with no set schedule, and the resulting anxiety. In my last post, you could feel the weight of the uncertainty mixed with a light veil of depression. My first long-term sub position had ended (the last 3 months of the year, 6th grade English) and I was back to being ocean trash… a piece of micro plastic in a vast sea, swooshed around by the currents, waiting for a turtle to swallow me up forever.

-The job led to an interview that did not lead to a job. I gained a number of contacts (who would later become my daughters’ teachers and principal) and a lot of experience.

-Substitute teaching continued to fill me with existential dread and crippling anxiety every day for months on end. It wasn’t the jobs, they were generally fine. I worked everything from special ed to kindergarten to drivers ed to music to 5th grade math to gym to Spanish 2 to graphic arts. I basically couldn’t live with the system calling me at 5:00 and going to a place I’ve never been, meet people I’ve never met, work with kids I’ve never seen, and having about 20 minutes to look at a plan, if they had one, and figure out how I was going to teach it and/or get through a day. I kept doing it (sparingly) because I wanted my own classroom and I wanted to teach.

-At the end of the next year, I was called for another long term job at my former Catholic elementary school (the last 3 months of the year, again! 3rd grade classroom). The job led to an interview that did not lead to a job. I gained a number of contacts (who were at one time my own teachers as well as fellow classmates) and a lot of experience.

-At the end of another summer in retail, 2 weeks before the first day of school, I was asked by a teacher friend if I’d like to take on a long term sub to start the year at her school. It was my “dream job”– high school art. This school’s art department (the largest in the state!) had one of their teachers move to another school at the last minute. I dove right in. I was given 7 sections of Art 1 with freshmen. I didn’t know at the time that this was kind of a horrible nightmare of a schedule, so I took it in stride all the same. The head of the department complemented my teaching, which boosted my confidence as I prepared to interview to take on the position permanently

-Long story short, I am now right in the middle of my 4th year of teaching in my own art classroom. I’ve taught 9th-12th grade, all inclusion classes, Art 1, Art 1 for graphics (a pre req to the computer graphics course), Art 2, Art 3, and Developmental Guidance (life lessons for freshmen). I’ve participated in teacher work stoppages (kind of like a strike), a strike, protests at school and at the state capitol, teacher talent shows, spirit weeks, teacher art shows, and the daily grind.

-Statistics show that many educators leave the profession within their first 5 years. So far, I’m sticking it out, although I believe that’s one of the many reasons I didn’t start my career until my 30’s. I’m ok with change, but it’s also so easy to stay complacent.

-See new posts for why I decided to start blogging again and my goals for upcoming years! 🙂

 

school’s out for summer

  

What a long, strange trip it’s been. 

When I was young, I always assumed that teachers chose a job, got hired, and stayed in that position until they retired or died. I was grossly misled. I now know of the constant shuffle that is the education system where randomness tends to play a big part. While I sat at home disappointed in myself for skipping calls from the sub system mainly out of fear, I never thought that I’d be offered a semi-long term position on a Monday and start on a Wednesday. I dove fear first into  9 weeks of lesson plans, inclusion, English projects, state assessment  testing, grade books, parent meetings, team meetings, teacher collaboration, school dances, kickball tournaments, and even a full on lip sync battle for the ages. 

I packed up a room and signed out on the teachers’ last day of school for the first time. It really is a full day of work. For some it takes much longer. I had to get grades printed, saved, zipped, and emailed, throw away tons of student work (#sorrynotsorry) and other random papers, pack up tons of books, completely tear down all decorations, and unplug and organize all of the electronics. I ran around getting a bunch of signatures from the secretary, the tech guy, librarian, vice principal and principal, turning in color coded forms logging student fines, text book inventories, collected monies, maintenance requests, technology inventories, and wish lists. Finally I locked my door and turned in my keys. 

I use the word “my” loosely. None of those things were ever mine. I was responsible by default for a temporary amount of time. Nevertheless, I count myself lucky to have had such a great introductory experience in the strange and ever-changing world of school from the other side of the desk. The teachers were helpful, the students were challenging, the principal was supportive, and I gained invaluable experience and possibly more important, confidence. 

This chapter has come to an end, but there are many adventures ahead. This summer, professionally speaking,  I’ll be taking 2 Praxis tests, applying for jobs, and will start practicing with the cheerleading squad. I’m happy to stay busy and excited to see where my winding path takes me. 

image from http://risarodil.tumblr.com/tagged/pixar pretty art!

the difficulties of handing out detentions as a sub |or| d-hall power trip

I just put a kid in his place and I’m still riding high on the power trip so bear with me.

I am the nice teacher. I am the one who gives at least 3 or 10 or 20 chances before I even call you out (of course it depends on the urgency of the issue at hand). I know that this is problematic because anything that deserves a punishment needs to be dealt with immediately.

The difficulties of handing out detentions as a sub are as follows:

• If you’re dealing with a hit and run offender, especially at the very end of a period or in the hallway, it can be very hard to track down the invisible man. In other words, email me your success tips the next time you are searching for someone whose name you don’t know, who you’ve never seen before, who is the same relative age, height, weight, and general coloring as hundreds of other kids in the building
  
• You don’t know the student’s history, personality, intentions, etc. A student may be unfamiliar with the class and school rules for a number of reasons. You may have a student with special needs, learning disorders, or behavioral disorders. Yes a sub should be informed of these, but how quickly can one become an expert on a revolving door of 90 or more students? I’ve unintentionally been tough on a student who had a special bathroom pass and was allowed to go when no one else was. I once demanded homework from a student that I didn’t know had been absent for at least 2 weeks. I have been harder than I should have on students who are high functioning with learning disabilities. I didn’t know. And that scars you or at least makes you think twice about blasting rounds of d-halls at possibly innocent students.
  
• If you haven’t found a “home” school yet and you’re subbing all over 3 counties, how can you as a sub know the rules of each school let alone each grade and teacher? I can give you 4 different rules about using devices in class at one school. I can give you 40 different rules about using devices throughout the county. Add about 100 more rules per school…carry the 1…and welcome to the split decision d-hall nightmare 
• Kids are effin’ sneaky and conniving. It’s one of those things that you often see in movies and you assume that the magic of film is creating a hyper-exaggerated version of reality. Then you start substitute teaching and decide that they weren’t lying. To some students, a substitute is a target and a challenge. They finally have someone new to pull old tricks on. And they will try every old trick in the book. 

The list goes on. Many teachers are naturally unafraid to punish a student they’ve never met. I don’t necessarily have a problem with it per se, but I feel like it’s something that I have to work up to. That’s a skill I admittedly need to continue to develop.

Back to the kid.

I’ve been in this classroom every day for about 6 weeks now. We’re past the old tricks and the getting-to-know-you stage. I am in complete control of my classroom and I can easily deal with a million different types of students who don’t care about school, don’t have a clue what they are doing, do things they’re not supposed to, etc. But I have one particular little [expletive deleted] that has got attitude overload and sass coming out of his ears. Worst of all, he’s disrespectful and ain’t nobody got time for that. He absolutely has to have a smartass remark for absolutely anything anyone has to say to him. It starts pointless, time-wasting arguments every single day, sometimes with other students and sometimes with me. And I stupidly let it go every time because he never really passes a point that I consider detention-worthy. It’s a smoke and mirrors type of trick where I usually save detentions for blatant rule breaking but there’s no hard and fast rule against being sassy so I don’t know when to give in. However, I’m quickly getting tired of the disrespect.

Today was a day like any other and he had sassy back talk for me and for everyone else, again and again. When the bell rang, I told him to come to me for a minute. I lit into him with a fire that my students have never had to see before. I didn’t scream, I didn’t yell, I didn’t get in his face, and I didn’t do it in front of the class. I stayed quite calm in relative relation to my burning anger (i’m shooting for all of the fire puns). I simply let out everything that I have been holding in for a long time. I let him know that I was tired of his disrespectful back talk. I was tired that he was wasting my time and I was tired that he was wasting everybody’s class time. I told him that other students have told me that they are sick of him trying to be funny and that he wasn’t funny (ok that was kind of mean, but also completely true!) and that they are tired of him taking up the class’s time. I think that’s what put him near tears. That wasn’t my goal of course, but maybe it means I got through to him. Who knows. He needed it and I needed it. Any parent who would give me a hard time about it can sit in my classroom for 6 weeks and try not to resort to physical punishment. Until you take that challenge, leave it to me. I think I’ve got it under control. For the most part.

sausage is hilarious

At lunch today, word around the teacher’s lounge was about the sausage song that’s been virally rounding social media. I’d provide a link but I’m not sure if I want to have the inappropriateness linked to my page and not sure I want to contribute to giving it more hits. It’s super NSFW. Basically, it’s teens in a circle rapping about eggs, bacon, grits, and sausage (just search “eggs” on YouTube and it’ll pop up), except the freestyle part is throwing in a line about liking, wanting, or needing “SAUSAGE!” (it’s a penis euphemism, get it?!) It has a super catchy beat, and the kids have a lot of rhythm! To be fair to everyone, I’m currently still deciding whether this blog title is supposed to be sarcastic or not. On one hand, yes, the videos are highly inappropriate and idiotic considering the students’ faces are all over it and some of them are even filmed in classrooms. How stupid can you be? If you’re in high school, it’s extremely stupid. If you’re in college, no one can really stop you, but how about the fact that nothing EVAR gets deleted from the internet. That video will represent you for decades to come. It’s extremely childish over all, but is it so wrong of me to think it was even a tiny bit funny (of course, barring lines that are never funny like use of the N word, etc.)?

I work with a range of younger and older teachers and they all seemed completely appalled and in utter disbelief that the 6th graders would find it funny. Yes, it’s really sad that the internet is used to spread this depraved humor to 12 year old’s so quickly and easily. This is where some good parenting comes in. Set some controls, know what your kid is learning and where they’re learning it from. Teach them to be smart about internet use and safety. However, even if your child has not been allowed a phone or any internet privileges, you probably can’t stop them from being shown the video by a friend, even one you trust. Now, try to remember what it was like to be 12-16. Imagine watching this video for the first time. Imagine everyone at school talking about it. I think the average 12-16 year old would find it giggle-worthy or at least entertaining! All I’m saying is, is it really that hard to believe that the 6th graders think it’s funny? They also think they’re smart as hell and can go around the hallways or even the classrooms talking about sausage, believing they won’t get caught because they think we dumbass teachers are old as dirt and don’t know anything. One clever student asked a teacher, in front of the rest of the teachers and just a few hours after our lunch conversation, if she liked sausage. The little turd got busted! We discussed giving him an office referral because he knew it was sexual innuendo. I’d love to see the note go home for that one. “Your sweet little Johnny asked Mrs. Smith if she liked big fat sausages! She said, ‘only with something sweet to dip it in.'”

So now you’re all on my maturity level. You’re welcome.

survival kit

I don’t fancy myself a great sales person or spokeswoman, which is kind of funny considering I made a living for 8 years working in retail. I couldn’t sell ice to an eskimo, but I could highly recommend this 31 utility bag for all of your toting needs. The first time I saw one, I couldn’t imagine a single use for all those pockets and thought they’d go empty and unnecessary, much like the cargo pants of yore. I didn’t even buy one for myself. I got it for a birthday and I have no idea who it came from. It sat in my closet for many months. When I started coaching cheerleading, I pulled it out and dusted it off and it served me well. I kept a binder with all my papers and lists, carried my sneakers, some prowrap, some pens, and a first aid kit. When I started my long term sub job, I emptied it out and perfected the science of filling the empty spaces. Aside from the layout, I also love the durability. It’s not flimsy at all and can take a beating. I took it to rainy and snowy football games where it sat in pools of water. It’s not waterproof, but it’s really easy to clean. I think I could sell a 31 bag to an eskimo.

This is my pretty bag with everything inside.

this shows my lunch bag, which doesn’t match, but who wants that? also, my binder which is my life. It holds all of my lesson plans, master copies, lists, important notes, etc. I could do a post on it, it’s so awesome and organized into protector sheets.

The amazing exploded view. There are 3 pockets on one side, 2 on the other, and 1 on either end.

I regularly carry
my binder (above)
my lunch bag with lunch goodies
my phone (the cheeseburger)
earbuds
hand sanitizer (hanitizer)
icebreakers duo raspberry mints
a nail file (it so came in handy this week!)
lotion (a gift from one of my cheerleaders, so nice)
body spray (just in case?)
my wallet (it goes inside the main bag)
keys (snap onto one of the straps with a carabiner)
a book (ayn rand is pictured, but I’ve been reading Malala)
pens
and most importantly
a bottle of aleve

edit:
my sweet husby bought me a bag of cough drops that I’ve needed to carry recently
tangerine EOS lip balm
fashiony sun glasses

What goes in your survival kit?

i am not Chinese

This may come as a surprise to some, but even though I look different from you, it does not actually mean that I am Chinese.

“What does this have to do with substitute teaching,” you ask. I would ask myself the same question only a few years ago. But first, let me start this story with a little background. A study done by Penn State in 2012 concluded the following about the area where I live.

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PARKERSBURG – A new study completed by Penn State University professors has determined the Mid-Ohio Valley is among the least ethnic diverse areas in the country.

The Parkersburg-Vienna-Marietta area is 96 percent white, according to the study, and is the second least diverse area in the country. The Mid-Ohio Valley was topped only by Laredo, Texas, which is almost 96 percent Hispanic. (full article here)

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The fact that it took a study to tell me this is a little humorous, because it just takes a day in the town to be in the middle of this reality. I don’t have exact numbers on the breakdown of my particular “city,” but in the state of West Virginia where I live, I am a proud part of a whopping .8% Asian minority (from Census Bureau quick facts). I have lived in this town since 1990 when I was 5 except for my 4 years in Boston for college. I was born in the U.S. but my parents were not. Being culturally “different” from the VAST majority is not new to me. I don’t feel disadvantaged, I don’t feel different in a bad way, and I am fortunate enough to have never worried for my safety because of my outward appearance. Racial prejudice is around just as it is everywhere, but I’ve fortunately never encountered it in a violent way nor have I heard about that in the area. I’m lucky to be able to proudly embrace my ancestry and nationalities.

OK back to subbing.

I was working in Ohio at the time, but it’s only about 10 miles from where I live. I overheard some boys in the class talking about me being Chinese (note: I am not). A girl told them to “stop being racist” and one of the boys said, “I’m not being racist.” He proceeded to make his eyes slanty by pulling on the corners. I was so absolutely shocked that I didn’t do anything about it. Before I started subbing, I never thought I would need an action plan for encountering this kind of behavior in a 7^th grade class. I didn’t think about getting personally hurt in that way. I made a note to the teacher and I can only wonder if the issue was ever addressed

Only a few days later, I returned to the same school and as the kids were changing classes, I heard some of the kids yell, “Our teacher is a Chinese! We have a Chinese!” This was 5th grade.

All of this happened 3 years ago, when I was very new to subbing, new to taking any education classes, and new to working with students. I have always been very introverted and passive. I hadn’t developed the thick skin needed for dealing with brash children with no filters. I would absolutely say something if this happens again. I wouldn’t care to drop everything, forgo all plans, and give an impromptu, one hour lesson on diversity and sensitivity. If I didn’t do it, who knows if they would ever be corrected and who knows what the results would be if some of these kids went on fostering an idea like a group of people being funny or ugly or lesser for the simple fact that they look different. They may end up being like the elderly folks who rudely stare at my husband and I when we go to Bob Evans for dinner. They may end up being like the teacher’s husband who asked if I was related to the Asian exchange student. They may choose to ignore someone who needed their help or maybe would have otherwise made a great friend. Or it could even end up worse.

Here is a little bit of the lesson for those of you who might need it: It’s totally ok to be curious about someone’s nationality! Just don’t be an insensitive asshole.

TL;DR
i’m not Chinese.

bingo! |or| be more prepared than a lost boyscout

Music bingo! Six periods of music bingo.

It was one of my earliest adventures in substituting. I was used to lording over kindergarteners but suddenly I was a tiny, inexperienced woman in a sea of 8th grade super-giants who towered over me. Luckily, they all had to sit on the floor.

Successes: Not many. At this point, I was still learning through trial and error. I still do that and I will my whole life, but the problem is that I hadn’t been through any trials yet. The teacher left 4 or 5 bags of jolly ranchers to be given out as prizes for bingo winners, which is great because sugar. I called out the numbers and once in a while, I would ask if a student knew what the symbol or note was in the picture (a half rest, a whole note, a “C,” etc.), and that student got a piece of candy. I thought it was a good reward system that I thought of myself, which is ridiculous now that I think of it, because having to name the symbols and define the terms should have been part of the game in the first place.

Failures: I had trouble controlling the loud, over-active boys. They started throwing the bingo chips, which was the #1 no-no and I should have shut down the game right at that moment, but I gave it a glare and kept going until someone got a bingo. Then I shut it down. However, since we were playing on the floor of the music room with no pencils in sight—and I knew I would never get a straight answer if I simply asked them if they had any pencils—my threat of forcing them to do a word search failed. I walked around and asked if anyone knew how to beat box (no one.) until I finally came up with playing Name That Tune. The boys enjoyed it! Especially the ones that I would think were “too cool for school.” I only wish I had more titles ready for them because no one could think of any on the spot.

The next class was worse—much worse. I can only be thankful that they only had 5 minutes left before I shut them down, but it was a brutal 5 minutes. It quickly became chaos as I realized I had not given any instructions before disbanding the game. Whoops.

P.S. I also got asked for my number by a giant of an 8^th grader who looked like an acne-riddled version of Fulton from the Mighty Ducks. Fantastic. I said no btw.

What I learned: BE PREPARED to expect the unexpected. Grow some balls and also have a contingency plan. The principal (I assume) walked in on my last class—all girls and they were behaving wonderfully. I quickly learned that this can happen at any time and I can only hope he didn’t walk through one of my earlier classes because I would have had no idea.

What I can try next time: Have some emergency plans- writing prompts, more organized games, formatted discussions, team oriented activities, a talent show even.
Grow said balls. Point out the detention pad first thing. Issue one to the first kid who truly deserves one. Praise good behavior.
Come with 30 sharpened pencils every time to every class. No classroom has enough sharpened pencils and damn do those kids love to get up and sharpen them some pencils.

Looking back, I think I could have done a fine job if I was given this assignment today (3 years later). I’m glad I’ve stuck with it because being tossed into a battlefield of drooling giants is sometimes the best way to learn.

i’m not a babysitter |or| so what do you do all day?

not 100% accurate, but humorous

Sure, I am a loving mother and I work in education, but I’ll be the first to admit that I am really not a big fan of kids. It doesn’t seem to make much sense. I have a love of learning, teaching, students, and having intelligent and thought-provoking discussions so it all makes sense to me.

I’m not a crazy person trying to compare my belabored work day with an Army ranger out in the field. I’m also not one of those moms who wonders why I don’t make 6 figures because I’m a “chauffer,” a “maid,” a “teacher,” a “chef,” and a “momgineer!” Heck, I fully understand that the job of a sub is not nearly as difficult as any full time teacher. But it does come with its own set of stresses and believe it or not, is often more unappreciated than even our regular classroom teachers.

Just like any job you’ve never done, you can easily call it simple. But it can be very daunting. Imagine your income depending on waking up to a phone call at 7:00am (if it even comes at all), having to be there at 7:45, knowing only a general location and maybe what type of class it is. Once you arrive, you have maybe 15-30 minutes (depending on circumstances) to either decipher 6 pages of scrawled out notes for 8 class periods or figure out how to stretch a one-sentence instruction into a 7 hour day. Depending on your placement, you could supervise more than 150 students in one day. Imagine the possibilities of personalities that are bound to show up throughout the day.

A best case scenario is to become a regular fixture at one school or better yet a long term sub for one specific classroom, but this is an elusive luxury. When you’re trying to make a living, beggars can’t be choosers. I’ve been a substitute teacher at at least 8 different schools for kindergarten through 12th grade, phys ed, music, Spanish, art, English, math, religion, health, special education classes, and one of the worst jobs ever-the roving sub, going to a different classroom every single period and covering a different teacher and class 8 times in one day (future post to come). I’ve also made fantastic connections, met some amazing students, and have learned tons about the industry from the inside. It’s like a paid internship and I’m not the snot nosed kid, I’m the boss! Ok not really, but…

This is what I do:

supervise and manage a room full of kids, preteens, or teens
(I dare you to tell me that I don’t deserve some sort of respect for that)
follow a lesson plan
teach and instruct
discipline, if necessary
reward, if earned
lead to safety, if I must
engage and connect with the students
keep the peace
keep students on task
improvise constantly
make important decisions quickly
take on general responsibility for someone’s most prized and priceless possession (30-200 of the little buggers per day)
a hella lot of other stuff
and if I make a mistake, the consequences can be huge

This is not what I do:

watch movies all day
(OK GAWD once in a while I do but it’s not my choice and they’re usually about the reconstruction era!!)
put my feet up and put sunglasses on
nap
chain the doors and scream at the children
play on my phone while the spit balls fly
wipe any noses or butts

Disclaimer
I can’t speak for ANYONE ELSE who is out there subbing. Word on the street is, they’re not all as awesome as I am. All I’m saying is, I’m not a damn baby sitter.

seriously, it’s not really what I do!

a little backstory

One year ago, I was completing my student teaching and earning my masters degree in education (rockin’ a BFA in fine arts) while working as a part time substitute teacher, part time retail employee, part time craft seller, full time wife and mother of two. You go girl! Today, I am 30 years old, I coach cheerleading at a ridiculously small Catholic school and I am certified to teach English in 5th-12th grade, but I haven’t found a full time teaching job just yet. I pick up sub jobs when they come my way and I feel a little bit like a piece of plastic being tossed about in a choppy sea, just like Katy Perry said I would. I’m still married to B and we are still raising two little girls, Lulu in 2nd grade and Gigi in Kindergarten, and loving our cats Freddie Mercury and Mr. Meowgi. So in other words, living the dream.

Believe it or not, every teacher you’ve ever had also had a life (whaaaaaaaattttt??!!). In addition to mom, wife, and employee, I live for art, design, literature, and down and dirty rock and roll. I’m tattooed, pierced, Asian, fashionable, Christian, bit of a foodie, slight theater geek, kind of a hippie, etc. etc. I could go on, but I think I’ll reveal more about myself along the way.